Seeing as the Jam Van is one of the most stable relationships I’ve ever had in my life, I felt it was necessary to commemorate our 7 month anniversary together. I thought 7 because I like 7. It’s lucky, it was always my number, and six is fucking bullshit, fucking pedestrian. I go seven, and since the Jam Van got bought up from one “Big Bud” back around 7 months ago, this is going to be our 7 month anniversary. Happy anniversary sweetheart, I ain’t getcha shit…
Now ruminate with me for a moment, are we where we wanted to be upon conceiving of this idea 7 months ago? Well, yes and no. However, I could render that same response if I asked the question of myself in regards to what had always been my very tentative 25 year (ed. note: now slightly more than 25 year) plan.
So to commemorate the 7 month anniversary I’ve pieced together a list of seven crucial events that have led up to the formation of our idea. These events are signifiers of all the random things that had to fall into place over the course of time in order to align all of the persons (ed. note: stars) necessary to achieve the greatness that we will no doubt achieve. I know at this point these seven events may only be momentous and interesting to those in the know, but again, this is a recorded history, a journal, so these seven events are going to go down in history as the seminal (ed. note: huh huh, huh huh) moments that define what we remember of this endeavor. I mean, there will be many memories no doubt, there certainly have been, but these are the lynch pins in those memories. These are the spots in time where four seemingly unrelated, unassociated, very different people came together and began an endeavor of fun. That renders them recordable in this text. Thus, with no further ado, the Seven Wonders of the Jam Van’s Creation:
1) The setting being the year 2002, while in attendance at what is widely known to be the grandest and most powerful university in all of the world, I was introduced by a former roommate of mine to an old high school buddy of his who had come up to visit on Halloween weekend. The buddy seemed like a good enough guy, his lackluster effort at a Halloween costume aside. We offered him a sampling of our baked goods (ed. note: we were having a bake sale fundraiser for the local kids)(ed. note: we were the local kids)(ed. note: we were gonna sell the brownies, make money, and buy more weed with it). Of course at the time I had no idea that the buddy of my roommate’s who by the end of the night had become very giggly, would in time become the Budaphest, who would birth and coddle the Van with me through its infancy.
2) The setting being the year 2005 in which I have found my way into an institution of higher learning whereabouts I have no business being in attendance. This by way of relation and acquaintance leads me to a Black Jack Table in Las Vegas where I am seated with a mushroom stem hanging out of my mouth when first introduced to a young and ambitious Gorilla whom of course would become one of my Jam Van brethren. He smiles, shakes my hand, and we quickly learn that we have several degrees of intelligient-stupidity in common.
3) The year being 2008, the setting being Manchester, TN. The same setting for some of my greatest triumphs, and one of my greatest defeats. This however was neither, but rather, yet again, a meeting of coincidence (ed. note: as are most meetings). This one however was extra coincidental, as the odds of us planting our camp next to the two morons that we pulled up next to was 1 out of a lot of tens of thousands. Because there are a lot of people at the Roo, and most of them aren’t from California, and the ones that are from California, they ain’t all from Venice Beach, but odds be damned, we set up shop next to these two assholes that was. They heard my companion the Goose Man and I yelling absurdly obscene things back and forth from our sleep tent to our shit tent in the morning and instead of telling us to shut up, they yelled absurdly obscene things back. That is a good barometer for whether or not you want to hang out with a person, if at your most offensive, you don’t offend them. At any rate, as the weekend would unfold, we would christen them with the panties of a wildabeast that Goose-man slayed and in turn they would tackle us naked while we were sleeping at five AM. It was a fast friendship indeed. Later that weekend one of them would be dubbed the Perfect Hippie (P.H.) by a less than attractive Asian chick, whom to this day the P.H. will claim was attractive. Alas, she was not, but I have remained friends with him and his geologist companion since, and of course, without the P.H., well, simply put, there would be no Van wherein to Jam.
4) The setting is the year 2009, the Budaphest’s first journey to Manchester, TN., where he discovers the sense of enjoyment that one gets from absolute freedom (ed. note: which has since become absolute freedom while dodging a bunch of billy-ass yellow-jacket wearing security guards). This inspiration, combined with years of unregulated substance abuse and music enjoying lead to the laptop to laptop conversation that found myself and the Budaphest discussing the logistics of filming live music inside of an old camper that was reminiscent of the campers that we had since started to sleep in at the Roo. In short, it led to the birth of the idea.
5) The year is now 2010 and a much more mature and wiser (ed. note: albeit still young) Gorilla gets kicked out the apartment that he had made his home with his roommate “The Deez” for the better part of five years. It seemed that 30 noise violations, and separate incidents of inflatable bounce houses and giant trampolines appearing in the living room were unsuitable conditions for the now “Domesticated The Deez,” who tired of the Gorilla’s antics and banished him to what turned out to be my couch at 643 Broadway St. in Venice. The very same address that the Jam Van rests behind. So it came to be that the Jam Van and the Gorilla would lie beneath the same stars at night, and dream similar dreams (ed. note: one has more boobies in his dreams than the other, but the other has more Lil’ Kim).
6) The setting was some storage facility in Van Nuys, California. We had seen something we liked on Craigslist. It had all of the specs that we had been hunting for in a vintage RV. It was being sold by the manager of the storage facility by the name of Big Bud. All that needs to be known of this transaction is that the Perfect Hippie, in his ever-so-gentle Arkansas twang sidled up to Big Bud and told him a number which was lower than the asking price, but which he said “was an offer in hopes of meeting in the middle.” Meet in the middle is just what they did, and we drove that bitch off the lot that very day, having no idea that she wasn’t really furnished with brakes and her radiator hose was only a few uses away from blowing up. Somehow by the grace of something we made it back to Venice (ed. note: and then some), and although she was naked at the time, she was our Jam Van, sho’nuff.
7) The setting is May 14, 2011, the event is our first ever Jam Van shoot. The band is a little known act that I had come across while being dragged to a party out in the Valley by one of my mortal enemies, Psycho Kline. Now when I tell you I hate him, I mean it in the most sincerest of all ways. Mind you, I am a person that merely dislikes a good amount of things, but reserves hatred for only an unholy few, and so when I say to you that I hope to one day tailgate Kline’s funeral, I mean it in as much honesty as I can possibly mean something like that. At any rate, the point here is that at this party there was a band playing that really impressed me. While I would not make their acquaintance that evening (ed. note: Psycho Kline ended up fucking some mentally deranged elderly lady with a chinchilla collection and I ended up stealing his car with the Geologist and Riff Raff, and seeing traces at Denny’s, but that’s a whole other story) I would go on to see them play a couple more times, and eventually make their acquaintance by way of an offer to Jam in a Van that had never before been jammed in. So it came to be that the Muddy Red’s christened our whore of a van that sunny day in May, and what will no doubt be a great adventure was set afoot.
So there you have it loyal readers. The seven most epic coincidences and moments in Jam Van lore to celebrate our seven months of existence. Please as always, utilize that knowledge responsibly. So just like MAAD and the Coalition tell you to do, “like” everything we do on Facebook and “follow” everything we do on Twitter. That way you won’t miss any of the seminal moments “huh huh, huh huh.”
Track for the Day: Jamie T.’s “Man’s Machine” off of the Man’s Machine EP.
Links for the Day:
– Extra Happy stuff. (via Groupease)
– Epic rasta-ish… (via Dangerous Minds)
– Cali Thrash rock, “come to cali and we will beat your fuckin’ ass” (via The Fader)
– I went to a Hank III concert once to celebrate my “taking the bar exam,” I was by far the least white supremecist-ish person in the room, it was pretty creepy. That being said, this shit he does with Tom Waits is awesome. (via Prefix)
– More bad-ass’ness… (via Some Velvet Blog)
– Oh shit you better remember all 40 else you won’t be hip as they is!!! (via Stereogum)
– Alternate Miranda riiiiiight… (via Pitchfork)
– My fuckin’ thoughts exactly… (via Pitchfork)
– Soulful schtuffs… (via Prefix)
– Pearl Jam without the plugs, I always dig… (via Spinner)
– A handful of covers by a hipster chick… (via Prefix)
– Fruit Gnats cover shats… (via Prefix)