Went to the DMV today to try and get baby’s girl’s papers in order. You know, cause now that she’s all smog checked she wants to rumble around, but she’s got to have her proper forms and things. She has to be a proper lady, we only associate with proper ladies.

I made the mistake of thinking to myself how oddly smooth the whole DMV visit was going. A hard jinx, but see, if you make an appointment at the California DMV you can cut right to the front of the line. This feels good for two reasons. One, because you cut everyone off (dingbats). Two, because you don’t have to wait in line (duh). You usually just have to wait in seats after the line. Not this time, this time I got called right up. Lady told me it was $300.01 to register baby girl (swindlers, they should pay us). However, since I’m not an indigent (yet) I pulled out my debit card. However, since my wallet is an ass-hat none of my friggin’ cards worked (hey dilholes, you make computers that fit in my wallet, how bout a card that doesn’t demagnetize?).

Further complicating the situation, it seemed that the technology to type in my credit card number to get at my money conflicted with the technology necessary to be the biggest pain in the ass the DMV could possibly be. So stupid story short, a troll looking creature named Yolanda (it was tattooed on her arm in blingy script) informed me that it was my own fault that my card didn’t work, it’s apparently my responsibility to get a new one (not society’s, ed. note, bite me).

In retrospect Yolanda could have been her niece’s name or some shit, the point is, they told me I was going to have to wait in line again, and I don’t wait in line at the DMV, they have an appointment system, Jesus. So I left, made another appointment, and I’ll be back with cash next week. Even Yolanda at the Santa Monica DMV is not powerful enough to keep this van off of the road.

I hope this has been informative. Make appointments. Bring cash. Everyone takes cash.

Jack’s line for the Day: “Ay, I don’t be dancin’ in no places, but I dance at these mah’fuckas.”

Links for the day: Jerry, nice.  Might we suggest tracks 1, 4, and 7 to heady-up your day.  Yeah we said it, so? 

Exactly, punk.