While the Jam Van of itself is somewhat a religious movement, that religion is non-denomonational. I myself have not been denominational since spending the last of my Bar Mitzvah money on drugs (or soccer cleats) back in the mid ‘90s. At any rate, the fact that I haven’t sniffed the inside of a synagogue in years has not affected certain parts of the things that were born inherent to me.
For example, I still have impeccable comedic timing. I still have no interest in listening to other peoples’ opinions, especially when it comes to sports and the teams I like. I still enjoy the option of yelling, when I want to get something done (ed. note: got that from mother dearest), and most importantly for our purposes here, I still have no clue what I’m looking at if you pop the hood of a motorized vehicle. Thus, the research and knowledge that would be recommended before buying an old-school RV off of Craigslist in Van Nuys from a dude named Big Bud, were not areas that my meshuganah-ass was knowledgeable in at the time of purchase.
Since proper credentialing, planning, and experience have never been things to dissuade us in the past, my associates and I put most of our faith in our creativity and our people skills. It was the creative talents that led us to Big Bud and Baby Girl, it was our people skills that assessed that Big Bud was a legit dude and that Baby Girl was workin’ alright enough to purchase. So we gived him the skrillas and he gived us the dream mobile.
Dear Big Bud, you did mention a couple of issues with Baby Girl before you sold it to us. There was something about the coolant, something about oil leaking, there was not however any mention of the fact that the RV you were selling us and encouraging us to drive back along the 405 from the Valley to Venice in, did not actually possess brakes. Well, that’s not fully accurate. It had brakes in the front, no brake fluid to make them work, but the physical manifestation of brakes were there. The back however, did not possess any such stopping devices, and I’m told that the back is supposed to possess brakes as well as the front. So seeing as we were working with about thirty-percent brakes for the last few months, I’d like to suggest to Big Bud, and all other potential RV sellers and buyers out there, that the state of the brakes should be something that you mention up-front in the Craigslist add or like, just say it, at some point, you know, while talking about things that are wrong with the RV. For while you may not get that many uneducated Jew boy RV buyers, you certainly might get a good amount of uneducated Jew boys trying to surf on the rooves of the RV’s that you sell. Because while I don’t know how to change the oil on a rig, I certainly know how to hurt myself doing something stupid. I just don’t think I would have done that if I knew there hadn’t really been any brakes operating (ed. note: I hope I wouldn’t)(ed. note: sober’ish).
So where is this all going? The obvious. As you can clearly see in the picture above, Gorilla, although circumcised, was actually splashed by a batch of holy water as a child (ala Ninja Turtles) and he got some powers that the rest of us don’t got. One of those powers is apparently the ability to muck it up with the Muck-Chanic and re-twerk the Jam Van with some brand-spankin-new brakes, bells, whistles, tires, all that shit. Gorilla and Mike the Muck-Chanic fixed all a dat. So now, we’re well rested, we’ve got a battery system in the works that’s going to revolutionize powering up our speakers. No more hopping on the roof at stop-lights to crank the generator. We’ve got tires with pressure in them. No more 3 MPG gas mileage. We’ve also, as mentioned, GOT BRAKES! So you know what the ability to stop means? It means we’ve got the ability to go. My yenta mother just got really nervous. Thanks Gorilla.
Quote of the Day: “You can run again.” – The Dr., to Me, Yesterday. Halle-fuckin-lujah, praise the Jebus!
– Track for the Day: Eva Cassidy – “Fields of Gold” off of Songbird. I always dug on this chick. Read the wikepedia about her last show. If that don’t fog you up, then in my opinion, you’re fogged up to begin with.
Links for the Week:
– I hate fuckin’ cheap perfume. I like this song. (via MOKB)
– Low Wilco – (via AV CLUB)
– Video footage from The Budaphest’s Bar Mitzvah. It was a Kwanza theme… (via Pitchfork)
– We are the second coming of this. (via the Guardian)
– Track 21, how I feels Monday, Wednesday, Friday. (via Captains Dead)
– I think there’s PCP in those Pinatas... (via MOKB)