Dear Los Angeles Board of Public Works and the Silverlake Community,
Thank you for bending the Sunset Junction music festival over and sodomizing it with an obscure LP that you found in one of their hip record shops. Thank you also for not even wearing a vegan safe condom when you did so, because condoms are for pussies. Why would you wear one anyways? What would the point be? Why would you want to halt the reproduction of similar movements? No, no, no, we must by all means spread this message to the rest of the “stick up their ass” community of Los Angeles. Shit, fuck of Los Angeles, spread it to the world!
The term “Sunset Junction” was “trending” on Twitter yesterday. If you don’t know what that means then I envy you (ed. note: then you are also most likely not reading this). However, reduced to its simplest entity, “trending” on the Twat-Feed means that a whole bunch of people read about how the Board denied the Sunset Junction Festival’s request for a permit yesterday. It means another notch on the belt-buckle of the boring.
Now, forget the fact that this festival has 30 years of history behind it. Forget the fact that it was established in 1980 as a way to unite the Silverlake Community (ed. note: not my bag, but it’s there). Back then it used to be a primarily Hispanic neighborhood, but the party-boy sect moved in and those two groups started wrastlin’ because some of ‘em wanted more pupusarias and others wanted more hair salons, or some shit like that. Anyways, forget all of the musicians that passed through that festival, dropped tracks, marked ‘em down in the discography of time. Forget that some of ‘em are dead now. Forget that thirty years is a long, long, long-ass time to keep something going, forget all a that. Let’s just focus on the facts (ed. note: as if).
So the main reason for the permit getting denied is that the City claims the festival owes them a boat load of money (ed. note: like more than I owe the gov’ment in student loans)(ed. note: they apparently owe $400K). This is the main issue, this is what’s keeping the permit un-permitted. Most specifically the festival’s failure to pay the $140K that they owe on this year’s fees, which serve to cover this year’s budgeted services. That’s the 5.0, the red coats, the save-your-life-when-you-over-thizz-crew, transportation, all that ish. The City won’t sign the papers off until they get that money up front.
So I see some of you rolling your eyes going “so what’s the problem flipstas? If you owe money you should have to pay.” I get that, yes, you’re right (ed. note: unless your medical insurance already paid, like, a shit ton, then it’s questionable). However, here’s the thing about these fees, they might be just a wee bit, how do you say it, exorbitant? They also apparently raised them a boat-load from years past. which of course they most likely can flip the coin and say that it’s because the festival’s gotten bigger over the years, and they need more civil servants around to brace that shit. I mean, fuckin’ Hanson was booked this year folks. Shit could go Altamount real quick when Hanson is around. So the extra Krupky services were a high to extremely high necessity.
Anyways, there are sincerely always two sides to every story, and so I’m sure both fronts have some correct points, and the money is most certainly something the City needs, and the festival needs to pay, and that all is what it is. I’m no accountant, I’m not interested in numbers. I am however interested in the fact that it seems as if a good deal of the Silverlake Community is pretty stoked on not seeing the festival go down this year. A good number of folks don’t like the crowds, they don’t like the noise, they don’t like the traffic? I mean, aside from the obvious retort of “go live the fuck in Iowa,” the other thing is, it’s two fuckin’ days cabron! Two measley days, out of what one would assume you hope to be long and many-day-filled lives. So why spend time trying to kill something that’s been going down for thirty years? Why squash two measly days, that happen to make a good handful of people smile? The funny thing is, you probably do it because you’re bored. I wish I could help you out with that, but I myself am stuck scrambling for plans this weekend.
So in conclusion, to the people who forgot to take the plunger out of the bowl this morning, congratulations on your victory, Silverlake definitely needed to be a bit more pretentious (ed. note: scoff). I sincerely hope some hipsters egg your house with some fancy ass organic eggs that are hard as fuck to wash off. I hope some meth heads shit on your lawns too, but that’s just because I’m bitter about not getting to break in our gorilla suit. You celebrate tonight, drink the fuck out of some pinot.
City of LA and the bureaucracy in general, I don’t really have anything to say to you. We’re all well aware of how you operate. So there’s not really any point in arguing. I’ll just cross my fingers and hope some bank is as dumb as the one that paid for my graduate school, and loans the Junction that 140K before tomorrow morning (ed. note: Hef, if you’re reading, handle that shit). Then maybe the city could take some of those funds and clear up the whole crack dealers sitting on my block at all hours of the night situation. Just a thought.
Peace, Love, and Jam Vans.
Links for the Day:
– Dig it (via GroopEase)
– More MMJ and Neko equations (via Stereogum)
– New Flea Shit! (via Stereogum)
– More new Flea Shit (via Stereogum)
– Passed our way by some serious heads put it on loud and wail it out…
– Some mellow-ness (via MOKB)